Feb
DATING & MARRIAGE
HOW TO DEVELOP RIGHT RELATIONSHIPS
DATING & MARRIAGE
HOW TO DEVELOP RIGHT RELATIONSHIPS
“To be loved by God is the highest relationship, the highest achievement, and the highest position in life.” – Henry Blackaby
Relationships in any form have the potential to be messy. But they are fundamentally necessary. This is the inspiration behind, “You can’t live with them, you can’t live without them”. Out of all the kinds of relationships that make up our connections, romantic ones can be very problematic because our heart and mind can find themselves at odds at times. Logic and emotion can both complement each other and compete against one another. If we don’t have proper understanding, we will create unhealthy habits that will carry over and produce unhealthy homes. Jesus’ command to “love your neighbor” includes everyone, especially those whom we fall in love with. Praise God that He has a way for us to follow that can protect our hearts and provide a foundation for blessed relationships and healthy families.
29 Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:29-31 ESV
Before I say anything else, you need to understand this. Your relationship with Jesus is the most important relationship in your life. Many people, including myself at one time, believe that finding someone special and getting married will make one happy. This kind of thinking let me down because people fail and will always let us down because they cannot live up to the standards that only God can live by. Instead of looking for others to fill you up, we should look to God first. Your love for Him and His love for you will flow out of you and influence everyone around you. The better you learn to love God and be loved by Him, the better you will be at loving others and receiving love from others. The better your relationship with Jesus gets, the better your other relationships will get. Therefore, before we fall in love we need to first follow Christ. If Jesus isn’t first, nothing will last.
24 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrew 10:24-25 ESV
If you want a healthy romantic-relationship, we need to start with investing in our relationship with Jesus and with other believers. The first one is a no brainer, but many fail to be purposeful with the second. We’ve all know others that cut themselves off from friends and family after starting a romantic relationship. This can be very harmful because we end up removing people who love us very much. These are people who would be the first to call us out when we begin to change in the wrong way. They also could warn us of actions and thinking that can be harmful. I think people do this because love trumps logic, leading us to see things through rose-colored glasses. God created mankind for community with Him and others, not just with those whom we date and marry.
This faith-based community invests in us by keeping us accountable which results in us drawing closer to God. We need to “stir one another on” and encourage each other to keep going as we live for Christ. You can’t experience that if you isolate yourself. Instead you should surround yourself with other believers. When we “come together” with a common purpose, we turn a weekly service into a daily lifestyle! The chances are greater that we will put God first in your life when we invite other believers into our lives. We grow better together, yet it’s also easier to fall when you are all alone. So don’t unfollow people who follow Jesus if you want your dating life to be great.
29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:29-32 ESV
A faith community is helpful because they are there to help carry our burdens and deal with the baggage that we all have. It is so easy to bring pain from our past into our current relationships. When we do this, we end up creating more issues before anything really gets started. A poor relationship from our past that is left unaddressed has the potential to ruin a great relationship in the future. The only way to truly move forward is to forgive others and give the offense to God. Unforgiveness can cause you to project false views onto your romantic partner. Or worse, you might end up punishing someone for something that they never did to you. We need to mute the bitter voices of the past in our mind and give our wounds to Christ so that through Him, we will be able to forgive others and move forward baggage free.
7 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field,
that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. 15 Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes
that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.” Song of Songs 2:7-15 ESV
By now you can see that it takes a lot to nurture romance. All the above is critical because without Christ, a faith-based community, and inner healing, we would be unable to truly maximize our passions and attractions. Sex is God’s design. The better we know Him, the better we will be able to enjoy what He created! The one thing that Solomon writes about sex in this verse, and the one thing that God encourages throughout His Word, is to learn to wait for the right time when it comes to sex. For anyone who knows the feeling, the right time “feels” like it should be now rather than later. But there is a ton of wisdom when it comes to not “awakening love” before it’s time. One main reason is that we will ruin it if we don’t wait.
Think of homemade cookies. I personally have a weakness to those delicious hand-held deserts. Why shouldn’t you pull cookies that are baking in the oven out before they are done? They will it not be good to eat, or worse, you can get sick. The same works with most raw meats and other foods. Sex outside of the context of a Christ-centered marriage complicates things so much. Giving of yourself to another in such a profoundly physical and spiritual way, whether once or repeatedly with other partners, can pack on the baggage more than anything else can. God says it’s worth waiting when it comes to sex and romantic relationships because He wants you to experience true life and not ruin it.
Consider where you are right now. If you have made it this far, continue to invest in relationships with believers and continue to protect your purity because it is worth more than you can imagine. But if you found yourself isolated, or you have failed when it comes to guarding your heart against sex, pornography, or masturbation, know that the application is not different. Begin now to invest in your personal relationship with Christ and with other Jesus followers. Begin to block temptation as your turn to Jesus, and “catch all of the foxes” that will ruin your life. God can restore your heart, your peace, your sense of innocence and purity. So, before you slide into anyone’s DM, make sure Jesus resides inside of your heart. Because when He is first, all things that matter most will last because His love for you has no end.